Perspective

The past two weeks have been a roller coast ride of emotions. My grandfather has been moved out of the hospital and back into the rehab facility he was in last month. He's making progress and, thanks to his strong-willed and awnry nature, will hopefully be able to move back into the assisted facility sometime in February. I have to say that I still have yet to exhale. I still hold my breath when answering a call from my sister or my mother. My sister is driving eight hours back to Maryland today and my mom will return to Vermont on Tuesday. Both are planning on a return trip. I've been overwhelmed by how emotional this has all been and how much worse living so far away seems to make the situation. It's all skewing my perspective and even the usual welcome distraction Colton brings to my everyday stress level hadn't been helping.

But of course, children have a way of eventually getting past all the emotion and stress and strain to make you remember that, even when facing the possible loss of life, there is never a moment that can be wasted on despair and sorrow. Never a moment to waste the opportunity to smile and laugh. Never. Not one.

I arrived at Patrick's on Saturday stressed out and very relieved to see him. I truly wanted to focus on being with him and nothing else. I was trying very hard to "work my plan" but still couldn't let go of the thoughts and worry about Grampie. Then my brother called. He and Mindy were taking JT to the rodeo. The thought of that little guy in his cowboy hat smiling and clapping just made my heart leap in a way it hadn't in weeks. I made my brother promise to send me pics. A little while later I had two picture messages from Mindy. That little guy's smile melts my heart in a way I never imagined a child other than Colton being able to. Those pics of his smiling little stuff brought me out of the worry of "what if" and into the moment I was in. My evening with Patrick was fabulous as a result.{I have to say something about him here...I have never in my life imagined a man could be so compassionate, so concerned, so supportive. He has been wonderful to me since the moment we met and his love and concern and willingness to let me lean on him (and my desire to want to lean on him...much to my surprise) has cast light in a very dark situation.} We had a wonderful day yesterday too and then I picked up Colton. I felt like I could see him again...the emotional drain was no longer diminishing my capacity to pay attention to him. We got caught up on the weekend, bought his new soccer shoes (he made the JV team!) and made calzones for dinner. He even hung out with me and watched TV last night. So, while the concern and worry for Grampie is still there, I feel like I've gotten perspective again so it's not consuming my every moment. I know he will recover because he has to. To quote an Eminem song "failure is not an option." Your thoughts and prayers have helped get him to this point and again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.