Grampie

Most of you probably remember my post from November when Erika and I ran the OBX Half Marathon in honor of our grandfather who has been ill. He rebounded for several weeks but is now back in the hospital. I'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now -- anger, sadness, disbelief -- but mostly I just feel an overwhelming sense of love for a man that was such a tremendous influence in my childhood. He epitimizes strength, fortitude, generousity and compassion. He loves his family and never seemed to lose sight of them being his priority -- especially my Nana. He has a wickedly great laugh and a sharp sense of humor. My heart is heavy because his health is so not where I want it to be. I want him to be doing his errands for the family store, eating at Mario's, visiting with Honey and doing his chores. I want him to be living back in the house he built surrounded by the memories of his life with my Nana and the echos of the laughter created by their five children and sixteen grandchildren. I want him to be asleep in his own bed with the windows cracked and the sound of the leaves rustling in the evening breeze. Being so far away is tremendously difficult right now because I want to see him, hug him, talk to him...just be near him. My prayer and my wish is for him to be "ok" however I no longer know what that means. I'm trying to come to tearms with the reality that he will not live in his house again...but outside of that, what is "ok?" I guess I'm just not ready to answer that. I went for a run tonight...just needed to release the emotions I've been trying to deny for days. I was running past the pond at the park and as I rounded the last stretch the geese took flight. They flew over me honking and would spread out and then come back together. I stopped in my tracks and watched. The beauty of it just released more tears and then I panicked thinking that maybe it was a sign that something had happened. As I continued to watch them, I was actually reminded that in life you take flight and sometimes go in different directions but you always come back to the ones you love. They are all that matters in this life. Nothing else. Not the stressful project or the challenging client. Not the traffic or the bad weather or the house that needs to be cleaned. What matters is taking time each and every day to tell the people closest to you that you love them. That you cherish them. That your world would not be the same without them in it. That when it is time to take different paths they still live in the fabric of memories and experiences that make you who you are. That without their influence you would have turned out to be a completely different human being. I am a stronger, kinder, more intelligent person because I am Harold Henry Sargent's granddaughter. He has influenced me in ways he can't imagine but that I've told him. The last time I saw him, Erika and I took him to dinner and, as always we had a great time. The waiter took our picture and he, sitting on the inside of the booth, looked at the photo and asked "Who's the little shrimp in the corner?" Oh Grampie, no matter what you'll never be a shrimp...to me, you are larger than life.