What's a Girl to Do?
So, it's that time of year again. It's getting hotter by the minute, school's out and dude's in Colorado for a month. I'm not sure how it catches me by surprise every year but it does. You'd think that after 12 years of doing this I'd have it down to a science; be more proactive about my truly "single" time but the pace leading up to his absence doesn't lend itself to planning for activities while he's away. Plus, I think I still block it from my mind because I hate how quiet the house is when he's away. Since his depature on Saturday afternoon I've been on a miserable blind date, met a friend for drinks afterwards to rehash the date (hey, one girl's misery is another person's source of laughter, right?), run with my friends, worked late and had dinner with a coworker. I've also caught up on several reruns of Law and Order and now I'm taking a minute to update my long-neglected blog.
I have to say that life is good. I'm loving, loving, loving my new job, my son is ridiculously amazing; we have good friends and family and I don't know how to even ask for any more than that. Because I haven't updated my blog in so long most of you don't know that Colton was one of 32 freshman (out of a class of 547) that made A's all year. That puts him (and his enormous brain) roughly in the top six percent of his class. Amazing. Even more amazing because he's in all honors classes and played two sports. He is such a source of joy, happiness and pride that sometimes I feel like my heart will burst out of my chest and that my head will not be able to fit threw a doorway!
This time of year always causes me to pause and take a look at my life. I guess because the reality is his month long vacation will be a permanent thing in just three years. I have no idea what it will be like to live every day with him permanently somewhere else. I just can't get my head around that...or my heart for that matter. So, as I look at my life I know that I have much to be thankful for...and I am very, very thankful. I also believe I'm coming to accept that I can't have everything I want but that I can really excel and focus on what I do have and what I can control. It's not like it's any big secret that my love life has been less than successful. I've had one relationship over the past 12 years where I could honestly see being with him for the rest of my life and that ended over what...bad timing? My move to Atlanta didn't turn out to be the mecca for singlehood either and, the one guy I do open up to decides to end the relationship because he doesn't want more kids. Ok, so can you see how one could become disheartened? So, what's a girl to do? I guess just let it all go? Give up the ghost, so to speak? I'm not sure. I don't consider myself a quitter but I've also never fancied myself a masochist either. Maybe I'll be enlightened during my next run. I'm all for taking the road less traveled...just figured I'd eventually end up not traveling it alone.