Blessings in Disguise
It's been over a month since my last blog entry. Where has the time gone? A lot has happened and a couple of things have changed. I guess that's life, right? Things change and you move on and adapt to the new path, new people come into your life and others leave...

I've started my job and absolutely love it. I feel like I've been there a million years already. Everyone has made me feel very much at home and I'm getting prepared to launch some major initiatives that I'm very excited about. I'm the only woman on the management team and I joke that it feels like I work in a frat house. The guys are a lot of fun to work with, very driven, brilliant, call it like it is and there's no bullshit...I am totally in my element.
I'm also continuing my business...which has been a bit challenging at times...but I'm making some progress with client projects and will be wrapping some up this week. I'm more than a little relieved to have a little bit off my plate!
Colton went to Colorado for spring break and, as usual, had a great time. He got to go snowboarding once and was so stoked about it! He started classes again last week and we are finding a good groove and hitting a new routine.
I guess my most significant change is that Patrick and I stopped seeing each other. Lots of reasons. No reason. I don't know, it's all just too confusing and I'm having a difficult time making sense of it. I truly thought I knew who he was and what he was about. Turns out...he should win an Oscar. At the end of the day it was a blessing in disguise and I am grateful to be out now before things became even more serious between the two of us. I am eternally grateful for the experience because it opened me up again. I've spent so much of the past five years closed off, shut down, under construction...that it was very reassuring to know that it was possible to feel and trust and fall in love. I honestly thought I was not capable of that anymore. My parents' divorce and the ensuing problematic relationship with my dad really shook me more than I'd care to admit. I didn't think I could trust a man or even want to stick around when the relationship hit some challenging times. It turns out I can and I did. I learned that I don't want to live my life alone, closed off, afraid to take a risk with my heart and, oddly enough, the person that opened me up does. I'm inspired, driven to keep myself open and out there. I found I truly enjoy being in a relationship, supporting someone else, learning to let them support me. My challenge now is to keep myself open...filled with hope that a great man does exist. That I will meet someone strong enough to not hide from the difficult things and open enough to celebrate the beautiful moments in life. Someone that will stand beside me no matter what and advocate for what's right...even when that's the hardest thing to do. I'm grateful to Patrick for helping me find my heart again...for unlocking it...now maybe it, and I, can reach our full potential.

There's a song out now that just hits how I feel dead on.

Bleeding Love -- Leona Lewis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF84pIhP5UM
Closed off from love I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling
But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
I don't care what they say I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love